How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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