So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can text with my tongue
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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