This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
