I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
