If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
