today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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