he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize