last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
