i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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