evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
