Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
