1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
