did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
