I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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