i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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