Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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