So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
