Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
