Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize