Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
