I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
