hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
