Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
