just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
