Where is the hickey?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
