On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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