hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
