She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
