I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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