Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
