The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
