So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
