I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
