First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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