I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
