Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
