Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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