i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
