My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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