You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
