oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
