Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
