I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
