he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I love you. Go after that dick
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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