youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
