I need help removing her.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Send help, water and tortillas.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
