I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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