There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
