WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
