bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
