Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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