Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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