Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
