It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
