FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
