I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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