That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
