This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
