In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
