I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
