the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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