Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
