My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
