we're chasing vodka with high fives
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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