He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
