I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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