So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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