Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize