I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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