We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I died a long time ago.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
