I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
