We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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