and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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