Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
