is wine microwaveable?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Holy shit dude........stairs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
