bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize