Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
