my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
