Can i not drive my cunt home
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
