sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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