my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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