Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
