i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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