how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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